My Story

I am a freak. A physical freak. I am writing this blog because I need to let others like me know they are not alone and what is happening.

Since I was a teenager my breasts have been extremely uneven. One breast is an A cup. The other is a DD/E. My doctors would tell me the other one would catch up. I just had to wait and I did. In the meantime, I never kissed a boy. I never wore t shirts. I never learned to swim propery because I could not get into a costume as I had to pad out my other breast with tissue. I would swelter in the heat because I knew I couldn't take my jumper off. I was teased and bullied. I was beaten a lot by both girls and boys. as I got older my doctors said that I could have surgery done on the NHS to even out my breasts but no surgeon would touch me until I was 18. I had to go through school and college as an outcast. When I turned 18 my doctor encourage me to first see if I could adapt to it. Live a normal life without surgery. Plus I needed to lose some weight. I tried to lead a normal life. I went to uni and move out of my home. But it didn't work. My grades slipped as I didn't want to leave the house. I made no friends as I never went out. I did manage to gain a boyfriend. I was totally in love with him but I was scared. It took me a year before I agreed to sleep with him. When he saw me, he was repulsed. The look on his face said it all. He turned over and went to sleep. Not long after he broke up with me.

I since decided that I needed surgery. I went on a diet and worked out. I lost all the weight but my breasts were still the same size! I knew surgery is my only option. I went to my GP. She informed me that she was sorry but the NHS now no longer fund plastic surgery for uneven breasts. I asked if I could appeal and she said it was pointless as the year before a woman with only one breast did and was rejected. She didn't even examine me.

I cannot afford to fund this surgery. My parents have no money and no jobs. Because my grades were badly affected I am forced to work in a supermarket on a checkout serving the very people everyday who I went to school with and beat me. I have a silicon insert but I had to get it online as no store I could find sold anything that when up more than two sizes. No one will give me a loan because of my debts from being a student.

I have two options. To get the surgery or to kill myself. It sound dramatic but I cannot live like this. I am a 26 year old virgin. No man will ever touch me and I cannot bear to be touched. I hate myself. I want to die.

I feel let down by the NHS and I am determined to fight them. This diary is about my fight with the NHS and my case. I want people to see that corrective breast surgery on the NHS is nothing to do with vanity. It affects lives. I hope you will read and understand this and even help. I hope this will help other girls too.